Not Normal

That's what happens when you have a garage sale. I hear you're leaving, they say.  There are alternatives - Clutter-clearing - Freeing up cash - Creating space – but these are foreign in the psyche. It's an indisputable mathematical statement. Garage sale = leaving town.

You try to set the record straight. But truth smoulders, dissipates, dies-out, while the story of you leaving sears-the ears like a brush fire singeing the spinifex. The conclusion is inevitable and will not be shaken.

… and their business is for sale. I saw it advertised, one informs another.

Damage control is required lest you find your business teetering on the brink. This time you emphasise …contact the Vendor, Care Of …. Eventually, fiction abates and normality returns.

Normality? Normal? For the nation's populace Normal is married with 2.5 kids – you have none. Normal is to live in the city – you don't. Normal country life is remote, regional, rural – you live remote, regional - but far from rural. You live in a New-town where Normal is to stay 2-plus years – you've stayed 2-plus decades.

You live in a New-town in an Ancient-land where the prolific Pilbara petro-glyphs, etched onto this hardest of rock, pre-date the Pharaoh's pyramids. When Industry assaults, the Cobra coils, and you turn from a pacifist of the 60's into an activist approaching your 60's. While Petro-glyphs plead preservation, Petro-chemical threatens conservation.

You're Not Normal. Normal is a boat – a launch is ideal – you could scrape by with dinghy-and-outboard…. and a four-wheel-drive is essential. You have neither. You can not be Normal.

You resign yourself to your abnormality and you re-badge your state of being-ness. You label yourself Unique, just as you labelled the clutter you cleared Adoptees, and the goods you discarded, Homeless.

Now that you know you are Unique you choose to do that which is normal and to do so in a manner befitting your Uniqueness. You cleared clutter to create a vacuum and a vacuum must be filled – it is nature's decree… and it is your decree that liberation manifest for you – now!

In a cyclonic surge of reckless abandon you seek out the perfect vehicle at the perfect price for exploring the perfect wilderness that beckons. You seek – locate - acquire. You smile smugly. You are the master of negotiation. The perfect vehicle at the perfect price! Nice, your friends say. Long-range fuel tanks?

"Yep. Uh-huh. Yup. Got the lot."

Your maiden-voyage is a short sharp foray. She performs brilliantly. The road is rough and the ride's a glide. You've chosen well and you take a bow.

But there was a question you didn’t know you needed to ask – and when experience teaches, you heed the lesson.

"She's a fuel-guzzling grizzly. I came out of the desert at eight-o-three….Sorry Mate - Only pump unleaded an hour a day. Too dangerous Mate - stuff's likely to ignite. Shoulda got diesel - lower flash point see. Come back tomorrow – we'll be openin' at 7.00.

"All day and night I had to hang around. The mercury climbed to 52 and there It stayed so in the Bar was where I stayed. That was a Normal thing to do, but I reckon'd I'd been Normal long enough. No more four-wheel-driving for me. Didn't bother going home - drove straight on down to the city. Checked a few car yards to get a feel for what-was-what. Figured I'd have her cleaned-up properly before I started the negotiations, but this one Salesman started salivating when he saw her - so I named my price!

"Next day I chanced to pass on by the Yard and saw his sign so bold - "Pick of the Week – GENUINE MUD" and when I passed again at noon "Pick of the Week" was sold".

You wondered Why. Why did it sell so fast? You looked. You observed. A picture emerged. Colours were clear - no hint of rust; and Chromium glistened - no veil of dust! Where was the bull-bar you expected to see? No spot-lights no snorkel, only one spare wheel? You saw a Different Normal – a Normal that appeared devoid of design intent. The proud and haughty 4WD engineered to climb rugged ranges, forge swollen rivers and cross sandy plains, had been hijacked. It grumbled disdain and shouldered its way in a freeway-crawl, servile to trucks and buses and brutish to sedans and cycles.

You saw The Complete Catalogue of 4WD Accessories – item #93745 – Spray-on mud and this became your catharsis. You pledged a return to the Proper Normal in order to liberate the oppressed. You are the master of negotiation. You acquired the perfect vehicles at the perfect price. You gave them their day in the sun - and the rain and the sludge. Then…

The deal is struck. The salivating Salesman resurrected his sign with fervour - "Pick of The Week – GENUINE MUD" - and you remembered… You're Not Normal.

© Glen Slee 2007